I think that I am with every new first time mom when I say that this ... holy crap it is so much harder than I expected! Shout out to all you moms out there ... I seriously did not know that it was this time consuming and draining! Don't get me wrong ... I have been a babysitter plenty of times ... I knew it would not be easy ... but I never knew it would be this cray cray! Childless friends ... you are in for a crazy ride when you have kiddos!!
Aside from that, what I really wanted to talk about was following dreams. One to many times I have let the decisions I have made in my life hold me back from fully attacking my dreams. I realize that I choose R ... and I would do it again every single time ... with R came E ... I didn't realize that I had put my dreams (once again) on the back burner.
The other day I was flipping around instagram ... I don't know why but I decided to search some celebrities out ... seriously ... this is so out of character for me ... I am not really a celebrity follower ... if you looked at the people I follow who are celebrities about two weeks ago it only consisted of that really cute blonde girl who I don't even know what show she is on ... but I wanted my hair cut like her ... and so I followed her so I could show my hair stylist ... no joke ... then a couple weeks ago I decided to follow Chelsie Hightower because I love to see how Mormons can function with the stress of stardom (even though her star may only be as bright as her dancing career ... I still think it is pretty cool!) ... wow ... back on track ... I was perusing and all of a sudden I wanted to see if that one guy who played Jess of Gilmore Girls had one ... don't ask me why ... it came from no where! So I searched ... he is there ... I stalked his pictures ... wow ... the whole time I was sitting there flipping way back all of this one thousand something photos all I can think is "holy crap ... that's art ... that is beautiful" ... of course ... I flipped back to my page ... I mean ... I considered myself an artist once ... there has to be something ... wait ... no ... at least ninety five percent of the pictures I have taken are of the child or something we ate ... or ... well ... yea ... you get the point ... I was so sad that I just let art slip out of my life! It happened quietly ... I almost didn't notice it ... if it wasn't for good ol' Jess (soo much better than Logan ... for sure who Rory should have ended up with) ... I didn't notice that when I had become a mom I had let my dreams slip ... I love photography ... I want a camera so bad that I can taste it (another one of those sitting in the fire until we have money things) ... how could I let something that I clung to so tightly just slip away from me? It is not like it was intentional ... it's not like E came up to me when she got here and told me that I could no longer do what I love because all of my attention had to be on her.
I was sad when I saw it ... I felt like a piece of me was missing ... I couldn't believe that I just let go ... I missed art ... I missed finding beauty in the mundane ... I even missed my crude teachers who shoved naked bodies down my throat (that sounded bad). I was so wrapped up in everyday life ... making life work for E and R ... how could I put myself in my own pocket while I chased around everyone else's security? Truth is I think that this is not so uncommon.
This is something that I am sure happens to adults everywhere ... subconsciously we forgo our dreams as we grow up. I think it is sad really ... when we are young we are told that we can do anything we want ... when we grow up we realize that real life takes over ... our dreams get shoved aside in order to survive, to raise children, to make money, etc. ... but why can't we live them? Why can't I take my dinky little camera on my phone and make some amazing art? Why can't I write a book ... or a newspaper article (be the new Carrie Bradshaw ... but without the random sex with random guys)? Why can't I create my center for battered woman and addiction recovery? Why can't I change the world?
The answer is ... I can ... you can ... sometimes you have to get creative ... sometimes you have to use the camera on your phone ... sometimes things will take years ... sometimes you have to write a blog instead ... sometimes you have to get new dreams ... either way ... your dreams can come true!
Whew ... I was worried for a little bit in the middle there that I would not be able to make this post come full circle ... but I did it! So let's just jump to the next section ...
Things to take away:
- You can follow your dreams. First and foremost you have to recognize this fact ... dreams are never unreachable ... unless you are dead ... but even then I am sure that God negotiates (don't remember what movie that is from ... points to anyone who can tell me!).
- It is ok to get creative. There are many ways to accomplish the same dream ... even if you don't take the most obvious or popular route just enjoy the journey whichever way it might take you ... and be excited that no matter what steps you take you are still one step closer to reaching that elusive dream of yours!
- Break out of your subconscious. Day to day life can get monotonous ... it is so easy to forget what you want to do and where you want to be in your life ... the forsaking of dreams can happen without even knowing ... shake yourself out of it ... no matter what it takes ... remember your dreams ... when you feel that ah-ha moment (just like I did that fateful day on instagram) hold onto it ... use that single moment to springboard yourself to who you really want to be.
- It is ok to change your dream. Dreams change from night to night ... or even from REM cycle to REM cycle ... so why tie yourself down to being that princess you dreamed of when you were five years old? As you grow and change your dreams will do the same ... I may not want to be a princess anymore (unless Harry comes knocking ... ok ... maybe not ... I love R too much) ... but I sure want to have a gallery in downtown NYC feature my pictures for a night. But I am sure that as I grow even more my dreams will change even more. My dreams may even combine with the dreams of my child ... I don't know ... does that happen? Either way ... let change come ... just keep working hard!
- Don't get discouraged. Remember that you need to find joy in the journey. It is ok if achieving your dreams takes one too many wrong turns ... if achieving them takes longer than you wanted ... if you never are able to achieve them at all. I know I sound like an Elementary school teacher here ... but it can be just as good to try as it is succeed.
So there you have it! Good luck my friends at achieving your goals ... I know that I am going to try harder to work towards achieving mine!