Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Holy Cow ... again ...

Can you believe it ... I did it again ... geez ... I need to be on the ball with this whole blog thing ... don't get me wrong ... I love writing ... like ... love ... I don't even really care if I am that good ... and for a girl who cares what people think... even if I don't like to admit it sometimes ... It should really tell you a lot about how much I do love to write ( ... anyway ... like I said ... I just need to get to the point and write.)

So things have been different in the Combe household since our Christmas break ... R had an interview in Texas ... it went well ... really well ... not only that but my dad is good friends with the CIO ... and then we found out that Rs potential boss is a neighbor of my parents ... like ... one house down ... I can't even describe how in we felt ... I mean ... the knowledge, the networking, the amazing interview ... and yet ... a month and a half later we still have heard nothing from them ... heartbroken does not even begin to express how I feel ... I mean ... I felt like we had it ... I pulled away from people in Logan with my heart and head ... for the first two weeks we were back that is (then I realized that it probably wasn't going to happen ... and so I came back) ... I would be completely devastated to leave people here ... especially every single one of my in-laws and my big sister ... but I have been living away from my parents for seven years ... and for a homebody ... well ... it becomes pretty unbearable. I may not like Texas ...but I sure do love my parents ... I would love the chance to live by them. But we didn't even get a call ... not even to tell R he didn't get it ... miserable right.

Aside from that there has been something else ... I mean ... I was just starting to feel like reconnecting with the world and with my wonderful friends ... and then something happened ... E ... well ... she ... umm ... I don't know what happened ... She got very spoiled in Texas ... not with things ... my parents aren't big on buying things ... but with attention ... and you could tell that the whole only child stereotypes were starting to kick in ... we got back on routine ... slowly through that first week back we were all starting to get normal again ... but then E went home to her mom .... I don't know what happened ... but when she got back ... I mean ... there was anger ... it was bad ... I didn't know how to handle it ... I started becoming a recluse again ... I am so sorry for my friends ... and then something else happened ... she never got over the rage ... two weeks later she went to her moms again ... something else happened ... fear ... fear like you wouldn't believe ... things that she had gotten over before (like being able to play in her room if I am downstairs ... or watching a movie through the end of the credits) were back ... and magnified ... if that is at all possible ... now E is having a hard time even being in the dining room if I am in the kitchen (they are the same room separated only by a counter) ...  it is still there ... not the physical rage ... which I might tell you some stories later ... but the fear ... the rage ... I have become such a loner because of it ... I am not sure how to handle it yet ... not sure if she should be around other kids in case she pulls an incredible hulk moment and rages on them like she does me ... I don't want to put a child through that ... I miss my adult time ... but I think that E and I need to figure this all out. She is going to see a counselor ... I know she is only four .. but she has been through a lot in her little life ... not to mention that she has a deadly cocktail of emotional dysfunctions coming at her from both sides ... bipolar depression on her moms side .... anger on her dads ... I think someone she can talk to who has not been there will really help her.

On top of that her mom has become far removed from her ... this weekend will be the third weekend in a row she won't take her ... this was by her choice ... that is all I have to say about that right now

Well ... that is what has been up with us ... I want all you readers out there to know that through it all R and I feel very very blessed! We are so very thankful for all the tender mercies that Heavenly Father bestows upon us ... everyday ... whether on the surface it seems to be a good day or bad day we are thankful for it. Every day E and I spend together is a day that we get closer to getting along ... I mean ... we are required to sit in the refiners fire ... nothing blemished can be in the presence of Heavenly Father ... so we have to be challenged ... we have to be tried. Through those trials we are never left alone ... I am sure that everyone has heard of the story of the footprints in the sand and so I won't tell it again ... I can practically feel the arm of Christ as I lean on him while E and I limp along day by day. I know that we are loved ... I know that we are looked out for ... no matter how long we have to sit in this fire (the E fire ... the car fire ... the Logan fire ... the money fire) I am grateful for everything ... just like my divorce ... it will refine me ... we are slowly becoming who we are supposed to be ... I know that this will not be the only fire we sit in ... and so ... why not focus on the blessings?

Ok ... so that is all for the catch up!

Looking toward the future of this blog I should apologize that the recipes will start being a little sparse ... I am sorry if that is why you read this blog ... they will come back. Recently R and I have had to cut budgets ... with that have gone my ability to experiment with food and crafts ... I can't wait to get back to it ... and I will still be able to do a few ... but just not as many as before. R got a substantial raise in December of last year ... but with all of that wonderful Obama stuff (yay Obama-care) we are actually making twenty dollars less a month this year ... on top of that all of those wonderful student loans that the ex took out came out of their grace period ... therefore ... budget cuts! Note to self ... remember the fire is good!

Alrighty friends! I hope that this catch-up was worth a read! If you have any ideas that could help with E I would absolutely love to hear them!

Have a great night!