Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Dear Martha ...

Dear all powerful party planning queen domestic genius Martha Stewart,

You are a fraud. That is all.

Love,
Someone who had very high hopes for your recipes and party inspirations

First, I must say that I have been planning a lot of parties as of late. One coming up is my fabulous mother-in-laws birthday/Thanksgiving hybrid (I'd like to see you pull that one off Marth), one from the past was my own wedding (pictures can be seen here). Now, when I plan parties I often peruse the glorious internet for ideas. It is no wonder why the Martha Stewart website pops up ... she does some amazingly beautiful things ... completely credit that tissue paper pom to her ... used it in my first wedding before it got popular ... However, what really stinks about stumbling upon this website is that very few people are millionaires and can afford throwing such an extravagant event for the birthday of their beloved cat.

Maybe I will set up a website that will be a "how to throw a Martha Stewart grade party on a normal person budget" ... I have adapted some of her more thriftless ideas and brought them down for a more thrifty spender (example: For my BFFs bridal shower I bought dollar store baby terra cotta pots [they came is packs of three ... two bucks for six ... no joke ... score], painted them white, stuffed them with pink tissue paper [as per her colors], and put babies breath in them ... Martha's idea consisted of super fancy mini white vases with white flowers ... hers would have cost upwards of 25 dollars ... mine cost five and looked just as cute if not cuter ... beat that)

But that is neither here nor there. I have always know that Martha likes to jack up prices for people throwing the party ... I mean ... I am not sure why ... she must just have super expensive taste with a pocket large enough to indulge in it ... but maybe that is obvious. However, party planning upgrade is not the reason why I  write this post ... it was her recipe ... this one here.

Looks fantastic doesn't it. What you should know is that I have never ever tried a Martha Stewart recipe before (maybe I shouldn't judge on just one recipe ... but it was such a disappointment) ... I had super high hopes for this one ... it was easy ... it was fast (literally ... fifteen minutes) ... it sounded so good. Then we sat down to eat it. I followed the recipe just as it was ... who was I to change such a perfected recipe from the queen of the kitchen? It came out looking good too ... like this:


Delicious right! Well .. then I tasted this masters recipe ... wow ... I was floored ... completely taken aback ... died ... it was not good ... edible (yea ... like I was going to cook something else ... we will choke this down) ... but not good.

I felt so personally affronted ... I thought that there was a different standard for someone as famous as her ... but no! I have tried so many new recipes that have been on random blogs ... they have all been so delicious that R continually licks his plate clean ... but this was not good! How could this happen ... someone who is meant to be so professional to have her own website, cookbooks, craft books, magazines, and even a television show ... a television show ... and she cannot master the art of a one pot pasta ... come on ... this is like cooking 101 ... what kind of person can feel good about standing behind what you do if you provide your audience with nothing but over-expensive, over-designed, and just plain gross things.

Shame on you Martha ... you should know better than that. Your style may be impeccable ... but your judgment is terrible ... and it is that judgement that makes you a sham (and that palette of yours ... I mean ... if you seriously think this recipe is worth promoting on your website).

And so ends my rant for the evening ... thank you for listening!